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Do it, or I'll kill you... again.

I want all my friends to put down three questions they've always wanted to know the answer to.  They can be super personal, or just funny, but really, this is the chance of a lifetime,  because I will absoulutely answer anything you could ask.

Do it.



I currently want to brutally murder my grandmother.

As most of you know, I had surgery on my urethra on tuesday.  Well, it is now Thursday, and I want that bitch dead.

1.She won't stop cleaning the fucking house.

    Now I know, some of you are laready thinking, it'd be awesome if I had someone cleaning my house!  But seriously, it sucks.  She won't stop humming this annoying lack-of-a-song, and sweeping, and vaccuming, and it's driving me up the freaking wall.
    Hhhmmm hmm hMMMMM! *BANG BANG*

2.She's sleeping in my fucking room.

    "Awwe," you say, "but she's a fragile old lady, and you should do the respectful thing ang dive up your bed!"  Fuck you for saying that, don't you think I'm a gentleman and shit?  Of course I concede my bead to her, but I just had surgery, and am suffering the equvalant of full-body cramps, and not being able to sleep on my stomach like I usually do, because of the catheter, and all this on a couch about two feet shorter than I am.
    Plus, now my room smells like shitty perfume and death (get it, because she's old).  As if all this weren't enough, she says she plans on staying for another two weeks.

3.She gives me these dirty looks any time I walk fucking by.

    I'm pretty sure she's super guilty about taking a surgery patients bed, but then she gives me these horrid looks, like she's trying to defend herself from some unseen attack.  She thinks it's her fucking room, and she actually gets mad at me for living in it when she's not here.  First thing I'm doing when she leaves is taking a dump on the floor, and going for a walk around the neighborhood.  I'll clean it up and all when I get back, I'd just rather smell fecal matter than her old-dead-flower smell.

4.She takes anything I say to her as a fucking attack. (starting to see a pattern here?)

    Any word I say to her, whether it be, "Fuck you," or, "I'm tired today," she takes as an attack at her.  Again I think she's feeling guilty before hand, because I want nothing more than to tell her to go the fuck away, but I bottle it all up, only to have her accuse me of being mean if I ask her to pass me the salt.  I ought to just let it all out if I'm going to get blamed for it anyway.

5.She thinks my nintendo gun is going to get me into trouble.

    Little one, but I carry around a nintendo gun in my man-purse, yeah, you know the grey and orange one we all played duck-hunt with back in the day.  She actually tried to take it, saying, "you're going to get into trouble if someone sees you carrying this around I'm a stupid whore*cough*"
    WHO THE FUCK MISTAKES A NINTENDO GUN FOR A REAL ONE!?  Leading me to the next point.

6. A nintendo gun would make a really kick-ass real gun.

    I mean, seriously think about it.  You could hallow out the inside, and put real gun components in there, reinforce it with an internal skeleton of iron or some crap.  You'd be the coolest person in the world.  I also hope this is a new idea, and has not been stolen by some peice of shit geek before me.  But back to the matter at hand, seriously, I hate my grandma right now.

7.  She has no friends because she is an old, stubborn, over-critical, impossible to get along with bitch.

    That's why she doesn't have friends.
Could anyone with more presence of mind at the moment do some sort of reaserch and help me find out if muscle pain (full body muscle pain) is a common after anesthesia/ surgery symptom?

Seriously, my entire body aches whenever I move, and I'm not sure if it's something that I need to worry about.  Can't get a hold of my doctor at the moment, any help would be awesome, thanks.


So, had surgery on my wang this morning, I'll put the pictures they took of the inside of my penis behind a link, so anyone who thinks they wouldn't be able to handle it doesn't have to see.  I think that they are before and after they roto-rootered me, but I can't tell for sure, I'll ask my Urologist when I get this effing catheter out in a week or so.  For all my friends chillin' in California, I plan to come out in early October, dunno which days yet, but I will almost certainly be there for the Sufjan Stevens concert on the seventh, if indeed I do come.

Not as if anyone cares, but if by some off-chance you where hypnotized into thinking you do, make some time for me...

So, that's pretty much it.


I may be going to England for a year to work with this mission-type program that cares for the mentally handicapped, maybe.

I also love Animal Collective now.

Morgan, you where right, the Shins really do help.

Back in the day, in Arizona, Aus-Dog flipped one of my grandpa's 4-wheelers and broke a tree.
I went to play some little blog game, where your supposed to look up your first name, followed my was arrested for, on Google, and it's supposed to be what you'll be arrested for, and oh man, did I commit a good'un.

"Texas authorities have arrested four people in connection with the brutal beating of a mentally disabled Black man who was lured to a party by a group of White men."

Yeah, so, some Guy named Cory Hicks (har har) beat up a mentally handicapped black dude.

Go me.


Happy Birthday Morgan, know that we sacrificed our manhoods doing this.

For anyone who doesn't know yet...

So yeah, kind of personal, I'll put it behind a cut, it's up to you whether you look or not, you're welcome to.